Toxicology Reports are in.........

You know I never really know what I should and should not post in my blog about all this crap with my dad. I mean I write on my blog constantly and most things I just save and don't post but then I get to thinking about it and it is my blog so I shouldn't have to sensor what I write about right. I mean everyone knows what we are going through and I suppose if it gets to be to much I suppose you don't have to keep reading it. I know that sounds so hateful but if I write it here then I don't have to call and tell everyone the same story over and over I mean unless you really want to talk to me about it I am ok with that. Some day I am convinced I will stop talking about it or at least it won't be the center of my every idol thought. Only time will tell I guess.

Anyways there is a point to this post. I called the Coroners office last week for the tox report and they weren't in and the lady said you can call everyday to see if they are in. So in an effort not to let it take over my life I decided I would only call once a week on Wednesday since that is the day we found him. So I called today and they ruled it an accidental overdose by morphine. They told us the day we found him that unless there is an actual hand written note it is impossible to rule a persons death a suicide. The reason this matters is for insurance reasons. This way if he had life insurance they can't keep it from us they have to pay out. Most life insurance policies have a suicide clause stating if a person kills themselves there policy is void. We have no idea if he had life insurance but now we at least know what happened. Well at least his drug of choice. It actually brings no closure and if anything adds more questions, where did he get the ? Were they prescribe to him? Ok I sit up all night telling you my questions that will probably never get answered but this is where we are. Now we start the probate process. Please pray that Cliff and I don't end up having to come up with the money to pay the attorneys we have hired. We decided the money is worth the stress of not having to deal with it, but it is going to be a significant amount of money and we have no idea what my dad's estate is worth or not worth for that matter. I don't care if we break even but I don't want us to have to take out a loan or what ever to pay for his choices. Ok I am done sorry. I promise I will keep this blog focused on our family as much as possible with cute pics of our boy but the reality is this is our life right now too. We didn't really choose to be part of the elite group of suicide survivors but we are which in turn means you are in a way too. Love you all.