Cliff and I went tonight to our first meeting with other suicide survivors. It was very overwhelming to be with so many other people who have lost someone to such a tragedy. There were fifteen of us and we started the evening by telling our names, who killed themselves, and how they did it. OMG it was so intense. I guess now that I have processed what I have heard it is therapeutic in it's own way but at first when I got in the car I told Cliff I am never going back. It was horrible. I think that, that is the nature of the beast it is horrible. There isn't anything glamorous about suicide. It helped me to hear other people's stories. One thing I have really been struggling with is dreaming about my dad. I have had seven in seven weeks since we found him. I have been keeping track of them with my blog but not posting them because I don't want to freak anyone out and eventually you all will get sick of me talking about my dad's suicide ok anyways my point is most people have dreams about their loved one that commits suicide so it was good to hear that. It is was nice to hear other people say they were just super mad at their loved one who left them. Over all it was a very shocking experience but my Liz mom put it perfect she said It felt weird being there because you are in shock that you even should have to be part of such a group. She is so right we are in shock that it is even necessary that we spend two nights a month visiting with other people who have such a horrible thing in common. Ok yeah I made it through one. Two weeks until the next one.
On a lighter note I also attended a bible study this morning and it was super nice. I am excited about getting involved and meeting other moms my age.
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5 comments:
Oh Diedra, My heart is aching for you. I feel sick to my stomach about it all and you are to far away for me to give you a big hug. So I am thankful that Jesus is holding you close. And I pray He gives you the comfort and peace, that only He can give.
Maybe you are in the group to plant a seed. Love you Diedra!
I am so proud of you both for going. I hope you are able to stick with it. I have found that hearing other people's stories that are similar to mine is very powerful in my own healing journey.
Prayers and hugs
Peter
My grandfather killed himself my senior year in highschool. it sucks, plain and simple. The "why" can never be answered and I will always disagree with his choice. However, at some point, you will have to forgive your dad for his decision. That's where the healing starts...or where it did for me anyway. Once I released it, quit trying to figure it out, and quit blaming myself, it became the circumstance that happened to a man in a desperate place. But still, my heart had to forgive him.
You are very brave, dear Deidra. Always in my thoughts & prayers..
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