Let the house projects begin

Taking pictures in house are not easy. I am talented enough with the camera to know how to give justice to what has transpired in this space just today but here are some pics anyways.
This is just a plain like off white tan color. What ever it's name it was not a very good color.

 

This is the sky

 

This is the starting of the grass

 

More grass

 

 

 

I know it is hard to tell but this is a road that wraps around the whole room. Tomorrow or this weekend I will add a yellow strip. And by the way it is chalk board paint so he will be able to draw what ever he wants on it. Super cute. I am so excited. My Liz mom and I got him new bedding for Christmas and that was the inspiration for the room.

 

 

 

 

The green color is more of a grass green the pics really don't do it justice so I guess if you want to see the true color you will have to come visit. Don't come too soon though I have a whole house that needs to be painted.

But here is the list of stuff we have finished in two and half days.

Four closets primed and painted, washer and dryer installed, dishwasher installed, two ceiling fans, and now Zack's room. Yea it is happening slowly but surely.

Off Roading Flop

So last Sunday we attempted to meet up with several other four wheelers to go off- roading, but after driving almost 50 miles the wrong way and getting pulled over for driving too fast through an emergency wreck we ended up home two hours later mad and hot. So we decided to go find our own trail on the other side of Hoover Dam.

 

 

He was so tired he even slept through the bumpy roads.

 

 

Getting our truck into four wheel drive

 

The view from the road

 

These are what Cliff likes to call poser pics.

 

 

We don't have a flat it just looks like. I volunteered to get out to take the pic because this sort of stuff scared me.

So ever since I moved to Las Vegas there are signs all around Hoover Dam that say watch our for the long horned goats. I never really believed we would ever see one, much less a heard. In fact when my friend Cheryl was here a couple weeks ago I said to her that is my goal to see one of those suckers before we leave Vegas. Well low and behold we don't just see one we find 10.

 

This guy at first we thought was fake. You know how you see statues of animals here and there. Then all the sudden he moved. I couldn't believe it. So we slow down I climb out the window and take lots of pics of him. Then.......

 

 

We realize there is a whole heard of them.

 

Click on the picture and open up this pic full screen and you can see all of them at the bottome. They just watched us as we cruised by.

 

 

 

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They blend in so well.

 

He was having a blast off roading not being in his car seat. Which by the way was more like driving down a dirt road.

 

We picniced.

 

Had a lovely view of the river.

 

The trail we took

 

These little dudes really exist.

This girl turned 33

Brandi turned 33 on the 20th four days after me. We spent her day at the pool. She made us homemade pizza and I made homemade cake that was horrible but at least it was cute.

 

 

 

 

A small prayer request

The other day my sister and I were sitting outside hanging out waiting on Cliffy and one of the woman who lives in our CondoPlex was walking by and we said and asked her how things were going. She came over lite a cigarette and said well things are not going to well to be honest. My husband and I both have lost our jobs. We had an agency that was in the process of helping us pay this months rent and after three weeks of working with them we got denied. We are not really sure why and have to move out by Saturday. We have a week to find somewhere to go and have hardly any income. We asked her how her daughter is doing, who we have gotten to know at the pool. She said that she is really upset they only have a month left of school to go and she doesn't want to have to go to a new school and chances are we are moving across town and there is no way we can get her over here in time to catch the bus. Before I gave it a second thought I offered for her daughter to come stay with us. School here is out June 4th. I feel it is the least I can do and this girl is a sweet heart. So pray first of all that her family finds somewhere to live and find a job. Also pray that this woman's daughter will find peace in the midst of all this chaos in her life.

My dad lost his job when I was in high school and I remember how panicked I was that we might have to move. Cliff and I have always liked teenagers and this girl always spent time with Zack and Payton in the pool and just has a sweet spirit.

Last weeks call................

For those of you that have not heard we got a call from our administrator who is taking care of my dad's estate. He had briefly looked over my dads paper work and called to strongly urge us to move into the house on Crabapple. We told him that it isn't finished and isn't move in ready and he said well work on it and move in ASAP. The courts won't take a house from that is being lived in. Also it is easier to contain insurance and it is less likely to be vandalized. So the emotional roller coaster continues. It's ours, it's not, it's ours, it's not. So I am trusting God with my family, my finances, and emmtions right now because one we have to break our lease to move which means we will have to buy it out not cheap but in the long run will save us around 4,000 dollars. Second we risk being booted from a house that we put Cliff's hard earned money into:) And third we risk the emotions of possibly not getting to stay in it. But my prayer for our family is that God will either put up some major red flags that won't allow us to move or that or he will just bless this entire situation from the beginning. We'll see. It's up to him.


So with all that said we have started the process of working AGAIN. I am super excited we have installed a new washer and dryer, dishwasher, ceiling fan, and Cliff put in new locks last night. Yes I know mom that should have been done a month ago. It's done now. I have finished painting two closets, a hall closet and the laundry room if you want to call it that. I am going tomorrow to get the paint for Zack's room. Let the fun begin. Oh did I mention that the crabapple now has all my dad's stuff in it that we are keeping. Furniture, beds it is a mess with "stuff" so we are having to work around stuff. But I know it will be beautiful once we are finished and our boy will have a back yard. It will be fabulous.

Toxicology Reports are in.........

You know I never really know what I should and should not post in my blog about all this crap with my dad. I mean I write on my blog constantly and most things I just save and don't post but then I get to thinking about it and it is my blog so I shouldn't have to sensor what I write about right. I mean everyone knows what we are going through and I suppose if it gets to be to much I suppose you don't have to keep reading it. I know that sounds so hateful but if I write it here then I don't have to call and tell everyone the same story over and over I mean unless you really want to talk to me about it I am ok with that. Some day I am convinced I will stop talking about it or at least it won't be the center of my every idol thought. Only time will tell I guess.

Anyways there is a point to this post. I called the Coroners office last week for the tox report and they weren't in and the lady said you can call everyday to see if they are in. So in an effort not to let it take over my life I decided I would only call once a week on Wednesday since that is the day we found him. So I called today and they ruled it an accidental overdose by morphine. They told us the day we found him that unless there is an actual hand written note it is impossible to rule a persons death a suicide. The reason this matters is for insurance reasons. This way if he had life insurance they can't keep it from us they have to pay out. Most life insurance policies have a suicide clause stating if a person kills themselves there policy is void. We have no idea if he had life insurance but now we at least know what happened. Well at least his drug of choice. It actually brings no closure and if anything adds more questions, where did he get the ? Were they prescribe to him? Ok I sit up all night telling you my questions that will probably never get answered but this is where we are. Now we start the probate process. Please pray that Cliff and I don't end up having to come up with the money to pay the attorneys we have hired. We decided the money is worth the stress of not having to deal with it, but it is going to be a significant amount of money and we have no idea what my dad's estate is worth or not worth for that matter. I don't care if we break even but I don't want us to have to take out a loan or what ever to pay for his choices. Ok I am done sorry. I promise I will keep this blog focused on our family as much as possible with cute pics of our boy but the reality is this is our life right now too. We didn't really choose to be part of the elite group of suicide survivors but we are which in turn means you are in a way too. Love you all.

Suicide Survivor Group

Cliff and I went tonight to our first meeting with other suicide survivors. It was very overwhelming to be with so many other people who have lost someone to such a tragedy. There were fifteen of us and we started the evening by telling our names, who killed themselves, and how they did it. OMG it was so intense. I guess now that I have processed what I have heard it is therapeutic in it's own way but at first when I got in the car I told Cliff I am never going back. It was horrible. I think that, that is the nature of the beast it is horrible. There isn't anything glamorous about suicide. It helped me to hear other people's stories. One thing I have really been struggling with is dreaming about my dad. I have had seven in seven weeks since we found him. I have been keeping track of them with my blog but not posting them because I don't want to freak anyone out and eventually you all will get sick of me talking about my dad's suicide ok anyways my point is most people have dreams about their loved one that commits suicide so it was good to hear that. It is was nice to hear other people say they were just super mad at their loved one who left them. Over all it was a very shocking experience but my Liz mom put it perfect she said It felt weird being there because you are in shock that you even should have to be part of such a group. She is so right we are in shock that it is even necessary that we spend two nights a month visiting with other people who have such a horrible thing in common. Ok yeah I made it through one. Two weeks until the next one.


On a lighter note I also attended a bible study this morning and it was super nice. I am excited about getting involved and meeting other moms my age.

My new found love

I LOVE to BBQ. I have never had a grill but thanks to my dad I now have one and we have used it several times. The weather here has been FABULOUS so I decided this is where you will find my family all summer.... well here and at the pool. We don't have a patio or a back yard so we just chill on the stoop in and the grill just sits in the street. Kind of ghetto but we make it work.

 

 

Presents

My sister made me the sweetest gift. She made me a coupon book and this what it looks like and one of the coupons that is inside. There are several like she will come clean all my toilets I have three and live with two boys she is so brave, do my laundry, my dishes, a girls night out, free babysitting. The list goes on. There is even a shut up coupon. She likes to talk:)